W is for Worry

Hello, how are you?

I’m worried. I’ve woken up in the past week or so with a heightened sense of anxiety and nausea in the pit of my stomach. I probably don’t need to tell to you what’s on my mind, it’s the same thing that is concerning us all right now.

Speaking to a friend and fellow freelancer this morning she felt that there was a “weird energy about the place at the moment” and I completely agree with her. The world has changed for a time, it is a different place to what it was a month ago. It seems almost subdued and quieter. Smaller.

In wanting to be fully informed as this crisis develops I’m reading the news multiple times daily to check for updates and government advice. I’m worried about my family and friends who work in the NHS. I worry for family members who have cruises planned but not yet had them cancelled, I’m worrying about the old, the lonely and the vulnerable. I’m worrying about the possibility of schooling closing in the UK and the far reaching effect that would have, as this horrible virus blisters its way around the world.

 I’m reading of panic buying and horrible people stockpiling – in effect stealing from those who can only shop weekly. I’m reading of closures of schools and universities in France and Ireland, of the closures of top museums and art galleries, film screenings delayed, mass sporting events cancelled, Disneyland closing their doors and Italy in total lockdown.

On a local level, in my small world there are arts events, conferences and writers events all being cancelled or postponed, events that have been held for years stopping as we hunker down and try to do what we can and wonder how best to protect ourselves.

It’s being described as “the worst public health crisis for a generation” I wonder of the effect of the economy in the world as the world tries to contain the spread of the coronavirus. There are things I want to plan, write and workshops to prepare for but it seems rather futile at the moment.

I’m trying to keep an open mind, and a sensible mind, if only for the sake of my daughter. It’s tricky though as a freelancer and only seeing people at the school gates throughout the day it’s hard not to wish for a group of colleagues to support and to talk these things through. My husband who works in the NHS himself has been a calming influence and if my Grandma were here she’d tell me to stop worrying, wash my hands and carry on.

So I’m going to do what I always do when I don’t know what else to do, and that is write. I write my way through worry, grief, happiness, joy, anxiety, disappointment, stress, depression, I write to celebrate and to commemorate. I write to escape and to experience. I write it down. Write it out. I’m just going to keep writing, its all I know to do.

Thinking of you all out there. Take care of yourselves. Be kind.